A lot of gay men out there live with this impeccable desire for straight guys. That makes the gay dating scene sometimes very shallow all around hookup apps (“straight acting only”). But seriously, is it possible to turn someone that might be straight into a gay man?
Let’s use an appropriate metaphor here:
In the popular Broadway Show Wicked, the Wicked Witch of the West wasn’t always evil. Elphaba (the birth name of the previously mentioned witch) had every intention of using her magic powers to make the world a better place – finding love for her sister (correctly guessed as the Wicked Witch of the East) and saving her love crush from a tragic end.
The result of her screw up was the Tin Man and the Scarecrow. Later frustrated that her attempts at creating her own fantasy miserably failed, Elphaba vowed a life of evil. Of course, there is way more to the story, but the moral here is that you can save yourself a lot of grief by letting the natural course of things unfold.
By trying to save your crush from a devastating straight fate you may end up losing your own self-esteem. Many gay men try to use their powers of queer persuasion to create the ideal love fantasy. They become preoccupied with the quest of turning the seemingly impossible into the utterly tragic. The problem resides when you realise that you always fall in love with men who like women.
We all wish we could wave a wand and turn our crush into lust, but even if it were possible, would you want it that way? The focus should shift from the impossible (which is turning him gay) to the practical (finding out if he is gay through friendship).
There are no definite signs that disclose a person’s sexuality. And nowadays, sexual labels are becoming more and more fractured, and many people don’t really believe in them.
Assumptions aside, the best plan of attack should be to gain the straight guy’s trust as a friend. If you catch him looking in your direction, then strike up a conversation.
Any excuse to start a friendship. Once you get to know him, you’ll soon discover whether you desire a deeper friendship or not. You don’t have to come out to him right away, but you should eventually disclose your intentions.
Even if you find yourself falling in love with him, have a little patience. If he shares your feelings, he’ll return the sentiment. If he’s gay, you’ll eventually know when he’s ready for you to know. Until then keep your wand in your pants and stay in line.
If he is not, then you can keep a good friendship and improve the good things you both have together. Don’t always judge your feelings in a strict way. Don’t make it a “I must have him as a boyfriend or not have him at all” decision. There are plenty nuances you can explore in this situation. Besides, there are many many many other men out there waiting to be discovered. You might be surprised.
